Twas The Night Before Christmas
by Vampbarbie
Summary: Kaylee, River and Mal use season's greetings to get exactly what they want for Christmas. SimonKaylee, Rayne, RiverMal, MalInara


A Chistmas story just to celebrate the season! Kaylee, River and Mal have very different ways of using seasons greetings to get what they want. Simon/Kaylee, River/Jayne, River/Mal (those last two you need to squint a bit) and Mal/Inara.

I will wish a Merry Christmas and Happy New year to all my readers!

* * *

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through Serenity not a creature was stirring…except for a mechanic creeping into the passenger quarters. She slips silently into Simon's room and shakes him awake.

"Wake up sleepy head."

"Wha? What time is it?" he mumbles leaning up on one elbow and rubbing his eyes with the other hand. He swats on the light switch with his second attempt and then gapes at Kaylee. "What?"

She giggles at his expression and does a little twirl. Her red dress with the white fur trim swirls around her legs. On her head is a red Christmas hat with a white pom pom.

Simon sits up still staring at her with his mouth open.

"Merry Christmas Simon."

She sits herself down on his lap and wiggles herself comfortable. Simon blushes alarmingly.

"Kaylee, I don't think this is entirely appro…"

"Now," she says huskily cutting him off. "Have you been a good boy or a bad boy this year Doctor Tam?"

"I, umm…errr…good?" he says hopefully.

"I think you've been bad," she purrs against his ear, walking her fingers up his bare chest. "You've kept a poor little mechanic all frustrated."

Simon swallows nervously and tries to will his body from reacting to her weight on his lap. He doesn't think its working.

"But I think you have been good enough to get your present," she continues standing up. Her fingers start to work at the buttons down the front of her dress.

"Kaylee…" Simon starts meaningfully.

She flashes him a coquettish smile and the words die on his lips as her fingers go lower down the buttons. She slides the dress off her shoulders and it drops to the floor, to join Simon's jaw. He stares at her in complete shock, mouth open. Kaylee is wearing a tight red corset, matching knickers, and stockings and suspenders. He moves his mouth into a few vowel sounds and gapes at her a little more.

"Wow," he finally manages.

She grins widely, having already seen the effect of her appearance on him. "Want to unwrap your present now?"

He nods; reaching forwards he grabs her hips and pulls her towards him. He looks up at her. "You're so beautiful."

She leans down to kiss him. A moment after she has released him she has to cough to draw his eyes back to her face from her cleavage. He blushes again.

Kaylee moves her hand to undo the snap of the stockings, but Simon grabs it. "Don't." he pulls her down onto his bunk with a naughty grin, which surprises her to see on the doctor's face. He kisses her hungrily then stares at her for a moment. "Leave the hat on too."

* * *

"Simon!" Mal yells as he walks down the corridor towards the doctor's room. "Its five a.m. and your rutting sister just jumped on me! If I'm awake then you sure as hell will be too!" He jerks open the door to Simon's room and stops short. Under the cover on the bunk are the naked forms of his doctor and mechanic, barely awake and entwined in a way that Mal doesn't want to fathom so early in the morning. Kaylee blinks and pushes the red fluffy hat up from over one eye where it has slipped.

"Mornin' Cap'n."

Mal whirls to face the other direction. "Morning!? Kaylee I don't need to see that!"

"Shouldn't barge in then," River suddenly says peering over Mal's shoulder. Mal looks down at the younger girl, leaning against his chest on tiptoes.

"I didn't know he'd be doing…well…that," Mal protests.

"Happy Christmas Simon!" River calls cheerily. "Come to the dining room! Presents!" Then she scampers away down the corridor on silent feet.

Mal mock glares at her back then says, "She jumped on me Doctor. I was fast asleep and I get leapt upon by a ninety pound girl!"

"Sorry she woke you Captain," Simon says but he sounds entirely too self satisfied for Mal's liking.

"You two, up! Now!" Mal snaps. "No funny business! In the kitchen in three minutes or I'll drag you both naked in there! Got that!"

"Yes sir," they chorus but then giggle. There are sounds of kissing.

Mal makes a humphing noise in his throat and starts to walk away. "And stop snogging his face off Kaylee!"

* * *

River has barricaded the doorway to the dining room and stands there grinning.

"Right what's goin' on?" Mal demands staring at her with folded arms. The rest of the crew stand around sleepily, Mal having woken them too.

River lifts her hand above her head and holds the mistletoe up high. "No one enters without a kiss!" she calls happily.

"I ain't kissing Crazy," Jayne mutters sullenly, his orange knitted hat pulled low on his head.

"Is that all?" Kaylee says appearing in the corridor still wearing the hat with her usual overalls, holding hands with Simon. She walks forwards dragging Simon after her. She kisses River lightly on the lips. "Can I come in?"

"Yes," River steps aside and allows Kaylee to enter the room.

She steps in front of Simon and stares at him intently. He grins; nothing can spoil Christmas day this year. He drops a kiss onto her forehead.

"Xie xie Simon."

Book gives her a kiss on the cheek and is allowed to pass, Zoë does likewise.

"Errr Zoë?" Wash calls from behind River.

"Yes husband?"

"Am I allowed to kiss her?" Wash actually looks quite worried.

"Yes dear."

"You won't hurt me or nothing?"

Zoë laughs. "No. Just hurry up and kiss her."

Wash leans forward and places a sweet kiss on the end of River's nose. "That do?" he asks her.

River giggles girlishly and steps aside. Wash grins and mock-swaggers into the dining area. "Still got it."

Inara smiles at River as she steps forwards, her long black and red kimono robe fluttering about her. "Couldn't you have just asked for the kisses?"

She shakes her head. "Jumped on Mal's belly instead."

Inara looks round at Mal, a puzzled look on her face.

"She became a human alarm clock," he says as if that explains it all. He fixes River with a look. "If I coulda reached my gun I'd have shot you."

"No you wouldn't," River contradicts with a grin. "Kiss please," she says turning her face upwards to Inara's.

Inara smiles and pushes some of River's hair back gently. "Of course." She kisses her softly on the lips. River pulls away first and smiles. "You may enter Lady Sera."

Inara curtsies to River with a smile and delicately enters the room, where she joins the rest of the crew in watching how Mal will carry out this task.

Mal steps up to River and looks at her. "I ain't gonna kiss you girl."

She pouts.

"I'm far too old to be kissing a slip of a thing like you."

River pouts some more, pushing her lip out like a child. "Then you can't have Christmas."

"Its my gorram ship!"

She fixes him with a stare. "Then kiss me."

Mal looks past her at his crew staring at him in amusement. "Fine," he says resignedly. He kisses her quickly on the cheek. "Happy?"

"No." River looks at him. "Want a proper kiss."

Mal stares at her, with an eyebrow raised. "Not gonna happen."

"Then no Christmas."

"Kiss on the cheek that's it!"

"Kiss me!" River stamps her foot, still holding the mistletoe aloft.

Jayne growls in exasperation from behind him. "Oh just kiss the gorram girl properly!" He pushes past Mal, grabs hold of River and kisses her deeply on the lips, dipping her in his arms.

Simon stands up from his chair and looks ready to fly at Jayne for touching his little sister that way. Kaylee grabs his arm.

Jayne releases River's mouth and grins crookedly at her as he rights her to her feet. "Now that is how you kiss a girl."

River looks a little shell-shocked. "Jayne may enter Christmas."

Jayne jumps down the steps into the room and heads straight for the tree in the corner. He grabs off a red and white stripy candy cane and stands there sucking on it defiantly giving Mal a look of 'Match that then'. Simon is alternately glaring between Jayne and Mal, but Kaylee's hand stroking his arm is distracting him somewhat.

Mal looks between River, whose face is turned back to his. "Well Captain?" Her back is to the rest of the crew so they don't see her small pink tongue lick her lips expectantly. Mal swallows nervously. He steps forward and puts one hand on the back of her neck, leans down and kisses her slowly and softly. She closes her eyes and so does he, instinctively. The kiss seems to go on for ages but in reality is barely thirty seconds.

Mal opens his eyes and stares at her for a moment. River still has her eyes shut. "Err River?"

She opens her eyes and smiles at him, then takes his hand and pulls him into the dining room. He tries not to fall down the steps. "We may all celebrate Christmas now! The girl has been kissed."

She drags Mal to his place at one end of the table, which has been set with piles of colourful presents, then releases his hand. "Everyone sit! Present time!"

Mal pulls out his chair and sits down and surveys his crew. Kaylee and Simon keep giving each other gooey-eyed looks.

They all start opening presents. Book has got everyone bibles. Except for Mal.

"A wasted investment I felt Captain," he says as Mal opens the leather bound journal. Inara has bought him a beautifully tooled leather belt that he studies intently.

Wash whoops as he finds dinosaurs inside four of his presents. Kaylee gets a selection of pretty things from everyone but she falls in love with the pink stoned hairclips that Simon has chosen for her, and kisses him in front of everyone. Inara has a selection of calligraphy inks and brushes, and a beautifully decorated notebook to practise in. She is disappointed that Mal has not given her a gift.

Jayne's gifts consist of weapon accessories, cleaning brushes and bullets and the like. Except River has given him a teddy bear. He squints at it and sets it back on the table with a frown.

Zoë has a bottle of perfume from Inara, and some clothes. Wash has given her a bracelet, simple brown leather and silver rings to match her necklace.

River opens a pale green dress from Simon, a beaded necklace from Kaylee and a pair of ballet slippers from Inara.

Simon has been given a silver penknife from Kaylee and a shirt from Inara. River gave him a watch with a silver metal strap. He gapes at it. "How did you afford this?"

"Replace the one you sold," she says solemnly. "To say thank you."

Simon hugs her.

Kaylee has baked for everyone gingerbread men decorated with icing for each person. Inara's has a fancy red icing dress on, while Mal's has a browncoat on. Wash's is brightly coloured with a Hawaiian shirt and a tiny green dinosaur on its hand. Jayne has eaten his already.

"Kaylee there anymore of these?" he mumbles round a mouthful.

She sighs. "I slave over a hot stove for hours and you demolish it in seconds…yes there's more. Tin on the counter."

"That's my girl," Jayne kisses the side of her head as he passes on his way to the tin.

Jayne's gift to everyone is a knitted scarf in various colours. A Mama Cobb creation. Inara winds hers about her neck causing Wash to snort. "Looks great with the kimono 'Nara."

Inara smiles and strokes the tasselled end of the scarf. "I like it," she declares. "Its cosy."

Jayne looks pleased and gives Wash a sardonic smile.

River opens hers delicately not ripping any of the paper, and smiles happily at the snow globe inside. She turns it over and watches the silver glitter drift down on the ballerina inside. "Thank you Jayne."

Jayne glares at her. "What makes you think I got that for you?"

She just smiles. "You put your name on the tag."

Jayne closes his eyes in embarrassment.

"Awww you do have a soft centre, like a chocolate truffle," Wash mocks grinning.

"And you didn't give me a scarf," River adds nodding to the rest of the crew who are swathed in fluffy wool.

Finally they scatter around the room, helping to start the preparations for the festive meal. Or in Jayne's case, eating all the ingredients until Kaylee slaps his hand away from a piece of carrot and sends him from the kitchen. He grumbles but starts eating some of the chocolate shapes off the tree.

Mal corners Inara. "Hey," he says pulling a small package from his pocket. "Here."

She takes it and peels off the gold wrapping paper. It is a small wooden box. She opens the lid wondering what is inside. Laying on the cotton wool inside is a silver brooch shaped like a spray of flowers. The petals and leaves are coloured enamel. Its not expensive but looks old.

"It's beautiful, thank you Mal."

"Was my mama's. She told me to give it to a girl when I…hell." He glances up to see a giggling River holding the mistletoe over their heads. He leans in and kisses her on the lips, a slow lingering meaningful kiss. "Merry Christmas Inara."


End file.
